Your Daily Moment of Zen

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it
• Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• No one is listening until you fart.
• Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
• Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
• Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
• The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.